


snowdrops

by kurgaya



Series: flowerless [4]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Agender Character, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amputation, Angst and Humor, Crew as Family, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Permanent Injury, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-25
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2019-06-15 23:54:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15424437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kurgaya/pseuds/kurgaya
Summary: Zoro isn’t some damsel in need of a guard; he’s just a little moody and he’s missing half of his leg, but otherwise he'll be fine.[A canon-divergence au whereby Zoro cuts one of his legs off at Little Garden. The crew worry. Chopper is small. Doctor Kureha has questionable bedside manners. Zoro's an idiot and he knows it].





	snowdrops

**Author's Note:**

> **Warning 1** : Just to note that some of Zoro's internal monologue is a teeny bit ableist. He's a stubborn idiot who has to accept the fact that he's not okay and learn how to ask for help, and that's what this fic is about.
> 
>  **Warning 2** : There is a brief description of Zoro having a panic attack during his first go at using a wheelchair. It begins just after "Six months" and ends when Vivi and Carue appear.
> 
>  **Note:** Written for the 2018 [zoluweek](http://zolu-week.tumblr.com/) over on tumblr. The prompt was "free space". Yeah.

Not for the first time in his life, Zoro wakes with no idea where he is. Snow-washed, grey stone walls stretch up around him, and he can feel their chill even beneath the humongous quilt of the bed. Cold, white light falls in through a high-arched window, and outside, the sky is an cloudless, icy blue. A scattering of cherry blossoms line the windowsill. Some have tumbled down onto the quilt, so Zoro pulls his arm out from underneath the covers and catches one, startling as the blossom - the pink _snow_ \- melts in his hand.

“The fuck?” he grunts, his throat clogged and dry. Thirst burns in the back of his mouth. He hisses at a wave of pain down his throat to his chest, and something across the room crashes.

There’s a weird looking dog leaning out from behind a desk. It’s button blue nose must be as cold as the stone, and its little ears flick beneath a bright, pink hat. It seems to have antlers or horns, or maybe just two really odd ears, and it’s wearing a pair of _shorts_.

“You’re awake!” it cries, clearly petrified. Zoro can’t imagine he looks very threatening bundled up in bed, but the dog-thing is utterly still for another moment, and then like a cannonball, it barrels out of the room. “Doctor!” it screams, the sound echoing over the creak of the old iron door. “Doctor Kureha, he’s awake!”

Zoro watches as the door inches shut. His three katana are propped up against the far wall, and someone has folded his clothes in a neat pile. It can’t have been Luffy or Usopp then, and as the _click-clack_ of heeled footsteps stride closer, he wonders if the weird dog-thing is maybe not a dog at all. Then the door slams open again and an old woman chugging a bottle of liquor marches in. She’s not someone that Zoro has ever met before, but before he can even think of defending himself, she presses the flat of the bottle into his ribcage and forces him still.

“So Mister Deathwish is awake, is he?” she hums, leaning over him with her impressive height. “Do you know where you are, boy?”

Her breath stinks of alcohol but her tongue is sharp. A pair of black glasses hide her eyes, but Zoro can imagine them narrowed and keen. If this is the doctor that the dog-thing was yelling for, then she’s a crazy one, that’s for sure.

“Who are you?” he asks, forgetting that his mouth has turned into sand. He coughs, and then coughs some more, and the woman eases off with the bottle just long enough to pour some of the liquor down his throat.

“ _I_ am the reason you’re alive,” she says, clicking that razor tongue. “But you should call me Doctor Kureha. Your little band of misfits brought you to me a week ago. This is the Sakura Kingdom, on Drum Island. You were almost dead when you arrived. Ringing any bells, boy?”

The last thing Zoro remembers is being trapped in a gigantic wax candle, but he refrains from mentioning this to the doctor. Everything after that is… fuzzy. At least a week has passed since then, if this doctor is to be believed. Nami and Vivi had been stuck as well; he remembers Nami screaming, her face as pale as the wax. They must have escaped - but how? Zoro’s memories swirl uneasily, but he cannot grasp a clear image; the crash of a jungle, the swell of the sea. Cigarette smoke and a salty breeze. The slap of flip-flops and the crunch of footprints in snow. Indistinct words mutter in his mind, and even more distantly, someone is screaming his name.

The door crashes open yet again, and the little dog hiding in the doorway tumbles in. Luffy springs over it at full speed, their hair a bird’s nest without their hat. Doctor Kureha holds out her hand and Luffy skids to a stop before her, the fur lining their coat just brushing the tips of her fingers. A bellow of _ZORO!_ starts to form on Luffy’s lips, but Dr. Kureha’s glare reduces it to a soft, almost worried whine instead.

Doctor Kureha lifts the bottle from Zoro’s chest and takes another swig. But instead of placing it back down onto his chest, she presses it higher into his collar instead, and Zoro goes very, very still. She wipes her mouth with the back of her hand, and then she presses harder with the bottle, making him wince.

“Your left leg is missing below the knee,” Dr. Kureha says, two dark eyes peering over the black glasses. Her gaze is emotionless, but her mouth is furious. “Your blade was sharp, but the angle was sloppy. You attempted to sever the tibia in three different places, although I’m surprised you were still conscious after the first attempt. You are very, _very_ lucky that someone on your crew knows _something_ about first-aid for a traumatic amputation, otherwise your crew would've brought a corpse to me.”

She takes one final swig of the bottle and then throws it at Luffy, but even with the weight lifted from his body, Zoro can’t find it in himself to breathe. Dr. Kureha continues on like a bull in a china shop, and every word adds to the crashing in Zoro’s ears - Luffy tearing through the jungle, Merry roaring over the sea, the wails of the crew and Nami screaming, and the howl of the blizzard down the mountainside.

“There wasn't enough of your lower leg to reattach, it was such a mess. You can see it, if you want. It's sitting in a block of ice, wrapped up all snug. I took the liberty of putting your name on it, because these things get lost so easily, don't you agree? Still -” She pats his right leg, the one he didn’t chop through. “Maybe next time you'll _think_ before acting, hmm? It would be a shame to lose your _other_ leg.”

That's definitely a threat. Zoro doesn’t like the look of Dr. Kureha’s smile, but it’s better than looking down the bed, at his body under the quilt, and the leg that should be there. Now that she mentions it, Zoro does feel somewhat… off kilter. He’d presumed it was nausea or dehydration, so he must be dosed on something good not to notice that half of his leg is gone. That, or this is Dr. Kureha’s idea of a joke, and with this in mind, Zoro grits his teeth and throws the quilt aside, revealing a blue sleeping robe he’s never seen before (and no trousers, brilliant), and his legs - all one and a half of them.

“Oh shit,” Zoro breathes, blood draining from his face. Stupidly, he tries to wiggle his left foot despite it not _being there_ , and to his surprise, his muscles do nothing except twitch and spasm, and the bandaged stump remains stubbornly still. “ _Shit_.”

“You’ve got a _long_ recovery ahead of you, kid,” Dr. Kureha says, and Zoro would be amazed by the hint of sympathy in her voice were he not inwardly freaking _the fuck_ out.

“Zoro’s gone a bit pale,” Luffy says, shifting their weight from foot to foot. Miraculously, they’ve remained in almost the same spot since Dr. Kureha stopped them, but it seems to have taken all of their effort. Luffy’s gaze darts between Zoro and Dr. Kureha, and their body is rigid with tension, a spring-loaded air gun ready to fire. “But he’s gonna be okay, right?”

Behind Luffy, the rest of the crew are crowded in the doorway. Usopp’s teeth are chattering in the cold, and he’s holding a tissue to his long, frostbitten nose. Nami’s worry is stark across her freckled face. Beside her is Sanji, and that he hasn’t become a noodle yet is worrying. Even Carue is there, and Vivi is anxiously stroking down his feathers. The little dog-thing is now clinging to Dr. Kureha’s legs, as though it expects someone to pounce on it at any second. But it’s Luffy that Zoro looks to, and as he does, he sees why Luffy isn’t wearing their hat.

It’s hanging from the end of the bed. Zoro stares at it, understanding what it means with a sick sense of dread. This isn’t some crazy joke; his leg is gone, _really gone_. He achieved what he set out to do on Little Garden, and now he’s in this igloo of a castle because he almost died _again_. But a few quick stitches weren’t enough this time. No, this time it was bad. Bad enough for the crew to seek a doctor; bad enough for Luffy to leave him their hat.

The last time Zoro almost died, it was confronting his dream. He faced death with sword in hand and refusing to turn his back, and it would’ve been a proud death. But this time, Mihawk hadn’t been there. This time, Zoro would’ve died for - what?

Nausea rises up his throat. He presses a hand to his mouth, feeling green.

 _I feel sick_ , is what he means to say, but what comes out is, “I’m missing a _leg_.”

Dr. Kureha fetches him a bucket anyway.

 

 

 

Two more days pass. Zoro sleeps unless one of the doctors (Kureha and her _reindeer_ sidekick, Chopper) prods him awake, forcing him to eat and drink. They give him something for the nausea and threaten to hook him up to an IV if he can’t keep liquids down. Zoro takes that as a challenge. This seems to amuse Dr. Kureha, so he sips his way through some wacky nutrient shake that Sanji throws together just to prove a point. He almost, _almost_ vomits the whole thing back up, but he doesn’t and money _definitely_ changes hands at his success.

One of the crew sit with him at all times. Zoro tries to protest once he realises they’ve devised a roster, but his efforts are for naught once Luffy catches wind of this. They come bouncing in with a big smile and plonk themself right on the end of Zoro’s bed, and when Nami comes to replace them, they just laugh and shoo her away.

“We’re worried about Zoro,” Luffy says, _six hours_ later. Zoro snoozes on and off, but every time he wakes, Luffy is there. Their concept of personal space is abysmal, and though they’ve yet to reach it, there _must_ be a limit to how many times they can sing the same song. Getting Luffy to sit in one place is impossible, but unless they’ve been sneaking away when Zoro sleeps (which he doubts, given the oddly stern look in Luffy’s eyes), then they just haven’t _left_.

Zoro’s about to go _bat-shit_. “You don’t have to watch me,” he says for the hundredth time. He’d rather Luffy not watch him, in fact. He isn’t some damsel in need of a guard; he’s just a little moody and he’s missing half of his _leg_ , but otherwise: “I’ll be _fine_.”

(He gave up with _I’m fine_ once Nami gave him the rant of a lifetime).

“I know,” Luffy replies, idly playing with their hair. They’re still not wearing their hat and it’s only getting weirder. The only time that Luffy has ever parted with their hat was at Arlong Park, when they gave it to Nami. “Zoro’s Zoro - and he’s tough. But nobody else is fine. Nami was crying and I don’t like it when Nami cries. Usopp doesn’t wanna joke around anymore. And Sanji an’ Vivi had to try really hard to keep you alive, and everyone was scared you were gonna die.”

 _Does that include you?_ Zoro doesn’t dare ask. He doesn’t want to know the answer. Instead, he forces himself to say, “I didn’t… mean for anyone to worry.” It’s true, even if he feels weird saying it. What happened on Little Garden was his decision, so only he should be dealing with the consequences. It isn’t fair that his actions have dragged the crew all the way to Drum, and Zoro sighs, hating that Luffy’s reprimand has hit a nerve.

Luffy hums an indecipherable sound. Their feet wiggle from where they’re slung over Zoro’s thighs, and Luffy tips their head back against the wall. They’ve spent the past hour knelt on Zoro’s bed, watching the snowfall outside the window. But now they’re watching _him_ , and that’s definitely worse.

"Zoro’s our friend, why wouldn’t we worry?”

Zoro grits his teeth. Nausea stirs in his stomach. Pain creeps into his left thigh, the nerves tingling with anger. If only Luffy would stop _wiggling_. “I’ve survived worse than this. Once that witch lets me outta this bed, we can leave.”

“We gotta get Vivi to her kingdom,” Luffy agrees. “But how’s Zoro gonna walk?”

Zoro’s been trying not to think about that. “I’ll just get a peg leg or something,” he reasons. Lots of pirates have peg legs, right? “I could probably just tape it on.”

There’s a long-suffering sigh from the doorway that can only belong to Sanji. He nudges the door shut with his foot, plates of steaming hot food balanced along his arms. Luffy’s eyes twinkle at the sight.

“You sure as hell _won’t_ ,” Sanji says, releasing the lap-tray tucked under his arm. He stacks most of the plates onto the tray and then passes it to Luffy, warning them to _be careful_. “Amputation’s nothing to laugh at, moss-head. You have to do all sorts of exercises before you can be fitted for a prosthetic.”

Zoro sneers. “Yeah? Like what? I can do exercise.”

“You can’t even stand,” Sanji says, slouching back into a chair. He kicks his feet up onto the bedside table, and the jug of water there rattles. “Zeff was in a wheelchair for weeks.”

“I don’t need a _wheelchair_.”

The stupid twitch of Sanji’s stupid eyebrow is doubtful. “The fact that half of your leg is sitting in a bucket of _ice_ suggests otherwise. Here, eat this.”

Zoro accepts the plate, not feeling particularly hungry. Luffy inhaling their food beside him is only making him feel nauseous - that, or it’s the thought of needing a _wheelchair_. Something like that probably isn’t going to even fit on the Merry, anyway, and he grumbles as such as he picks at the food.

“Yes, that’s precisely the problem, idiot,” Sanji drawls. “You _can’t_ use a wheelchair on the Merry right now.”

Zoro shrugs. There’s a simple solution for that. “Well then, I won’t.”

Luffy starts to choke on a drumstick. Sighing, Sanji pours them a glass of water from the jug.

“ _Chew_ , for god’s sake. And tell Zoro he’s an idiot. There’s _no way_ he’s getting anywhere without a wheelchair, and he’s a moron if he thinks otherwise.”

Obediently, Luffy parrots, “Ah, Zoro’s an idiot,” and then continues wolfing down their food.

Sanji smiles. Zoro doesn't.

Chopper rolls a wheelchair into the room the next morning.

Mercifully, Usopp appeared in the small hours of the night to drag Luffy off to bed, meaning that none of the crew are around to witness Zoro setting Dr. Kureha on fire with his eyes.

“Chopper’s going to get you started on physiotherapy,” Dr. Kureha announces, protected by the thick lenses of her glasses. Her smile is full of knives. “Frankly, I don’t have the patience for it. It’s going to be a long and frustrating process, and Chopper’s not going to take any of your shit. So, chop chop. Lesson one is transferring yourself _into_ the chair.”

Zoro almost growls. The only reason he doesn’t is because Chopper’s eyes are doe-like and _huge_. He can get into some stupid chair no problem, even if his balance is a little off. To Dr. Kureha, he grunts, “ _Fine_ ,” and to the wheelchair he offers a glower that would petrify any marine.

It’s not _fine_. It’s far from fine. In fact, it’s far enough to encompass the space between the bed and the floor, which is exactly the distance that Zoro falls again and again and again.

“Can’t you give me something _else_?” Zoro hisses, thinking of crutches, or a walking stick, or even a goddamn wooden _leg_.

“How about a new brain?” Dr. Kureha suggests. “Some common sense? What about the ability to accept that you need help, hmm?”

“ _I don’t need help_ ,” Zoro snarls into the floor.

“Unfortunately for you, Chopper’s too nice to leave you,” Dr. Kureha says. She gestures towards Zoro with a wave of her hand, and in the next second, the little not-a-dog doctor has transformed into a huge, bear-like creature and has scooped Zoro up from the floor and put him, not in the chair, but back onto the bed.

“Wonderful,” says Dr. Kureha, finally looking pleased with something. “I’ll leave you boys to it, then. Have fun.”

They don’t have fun. Chopper assures Zoro that he’s going to be doing strengthening exercises as well as learning how to move in the chair, but this doesn’t change the fact that it takes Zoro _too long_ to move a few, measly feet across the room. Luckily, he doesn’t bruise easily, because he half-falls into the wheelchair at least a dozen times before managing one _simple_ manoeuvre. Zoro lets Chopper pick him up a few times before losing his patience and snapping at the little (big) doctor. He feels bad about it afterwards, once he’s finally in the chair. It doesn’t help that Dr. Kureha had warned him that it would be frustrating, and as turns out, it is. Accepting this feels like admitting defeat, and if there’s anyone that Zoro doesn’t want to lose to right now, it’s her.

Chopper shows him how to move the footrests and unlock the wheels. There’s an second disk attached to the tire that’s apparently what Zoro’s meant to use to turn the wheels, and Chopper guides him through the basic motions. Zoro attempts a few laps of the room, but while Chopper appears to be growing used to giving instructions, speaking up, and calming in Zoro’s presence, Zoro only feels a hot, bone-chilling panic seeping into his chest.

“This is… temporary, right?”

“Ideally,” Chopper says, which isn’t reassuring at _all_. “We’re going to assess you for a prosthetic. Some patients like to keep a wheelchair for certain situations, even if they have a prosthetic. We might be able to fit you with a temporary prosthetic while you wait for a custom one. So you’ll probably only need the wheelchair for a few weeks, at the very min -”

“A few _weeks_? Can’t you just strap a pole to me or something?”

“No!” Chopper cries, his voice shrill despite his colossal size. “You have to build up strength and prepare yourself for living with a prosthetic limb. We can’t just - just _give_ it to you.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’re not _ready_. It will take time to accustom yourself to this change. It won’t be easy - _careful_!” Chopper leaps forward and grabs the back of the wheelchair before Zoro spins himself into the door. “Your body is still healing, you have to give it time.”

Zoro’s not exactly been known for giving his body time to heal. He wonders what Chopper would have said had he been there at the Baratie. “How much time?”

“Well, we won’t know for sure until we start the rehabilitation exercises -”

“ _How much time_?” Zoro repeats, shoving the brakes on.

Chopper yelps at the sudden stop and then shrinks, cowered by the snarl in Zoro’s voice. He disappears behind the chair, from Zoro’s sight. “It can take a few months. Two, three, six - it depends!”

 _Six months_. There’s no way in hell he can be stuck here for that long. Luffy themself said they have to get Vivi to Alabasta, and even waiting a couple of weeks is probably pushing their patience. Sanji was right - the Merry isn't wheelchair accessible. Forgetting the stairs up to the kitchen and the ladder down to the boy's room, the _doorways_ aren't even wide enough. Zoro would be stuck out on the deck like an idiot unless somebody carried him around.

Zoro's tongue is stuck to the roof of his mouth. Sweat beads on his brow and yet he feels oddly chilled. He wipes a hand across his forehead, wondering why his arm is starting to feel numb. “Does… does the crew know?” He dreads the answer. If yes, then maybe that explains Luffy’s odd behaviour. If no, then Zoro's going to have to come up with a reason as to why they shouldn't leave him behind.

Chopper says something but Zoro can't hear it over the pounding of his heart. It feels like it might explode out of his chest. Something’s wrong, he realises: “Something’s wrong,” he says, and Chopper is there instantly, hovering so close and yet Zoro feels so far away. His chest is tight. He screws his eyes shut, trying to count the seconds until his heart gives out.

“Zoro, can you look at me? You're having a panic attack.”

It feels like he's going to _die_. Zoro's been on death's doorstep before but it's never felt like this. He'd barely been aware of anything when Mihawk nearly cut him in two, but now he's hyper-aware of every wild thought and feeling, and yet still unable to focus on the erratic sound of his breaths. There's movement around him, maybe voices. Something large and soft seems to loom in close. He assumes it must be Chopper, but then the warm and fluffy body _quacks_.

“Carue?” Zoro wheezes, eyes startling open. Chopper is perched on the bed beside him, but it's the giant, yellow duck sitting next to the wheelchair that Zoro turns to. Carue is so close that his feathers have practically swallowed one of the chair's wheels. He quacks again, tail wiggling. Zoro's so stunned that he forgets to breathe until Carue smacks him with his bill.

“Hey! Watch it!”

Carue doesn't have the ability to grin, but he's definitely grinning. Zoro's mad for the few seconds it takes to realise that the tightness in his chest has eased, and Carue warbles now, looking distinctly smug. Vivi stands on Carue's other side, and she's stroking down his feathers with a worried expression. Zoro hadn't even heard her enter the room.

“The fuck was that?” he asks as Chopper presses a glass of water into his hands.

Chopper twiddles his hooves together. “A panic attack. How are you feeling?”

“I've -” _Never had a panic attack before_ , Zoro thinks, deciding he'd like to never have one again. He sips the water, swirling it around his mouth. Discussing that mini freak out is the last thing he wants to do, especially with Vivi in the room. He turns to her, ignoring Chopper's question. “What's up?”

“I just wanted to see how you were,” Vivi replies, looking faintly embarrassed at having caught Zoro at such a low moment. “But also, Doctor Kureha mentioned that you were getting a wheelchair this morning, so Nami asked me to stall you.”

As if the crew couldn't outrun him just by _walking_ at the moment. Nami's faith in his ability to bounce back from grievous injury is astounding.

“Stall me? What for?”

Vivi smiles. She really is just a teenager, Zoro thinks, and now she's stuck here because he's a fucking idiot. “We've got a surprise for you, but it's not ready yet.”

 _Oh god_ , Zoro thinks. There's too many things that could go wrong with Luffy stuck in a castle isolated at the top of a snowy mountain, and boredom is right at the top of the list. “Should I be worried?”

“No, you'll like it. Promise.”

That _does_ reassure him. Vivi is the only sensible person amongst the crew - himself included, given this mess. Zoro rubs his left thigh, glad that Chopper had the foresight to drape a blanket over his lap. The nothingness where his leg should be is jarring, and no one needs to see the bandaged, bloody, and swollen mess of what's left, least of all Vivi.

She also doesn’t need to see him struggling with even the most basic of exercises. Having a panic attack in front of her is mortifying enough, and Zoro needs every reason for the crew not to think of him as weak. He shoots a glance towards Chopper, praying that this ridiculous bout with the wheelchair is over. If he never has to sit in it again, it’ll be too soon. But given that it may be weeks or _months_ until he’s fitted with a prosthetic…

Zoro takes a deep breath. He’s not going to freak out again. One missing leg isn’t the most daunting challenge he’s ever faced; he grew up on the _streets_ and socially transitioned in rural, backwater Shimotsuki. If he can deal with hunger and hate and the hawk-eyes of the village women whispering about him, then he can deal with a wheelchair for a few weeks.

“I’ll teach you some exercises you can do in the chair after lunch,” Chopper says, and Zoro hopes his sigh of relief isn’t _too_ obvious. “Why don’t you try the chair around the castle a bit? Most of the rooms are accessible. I’d - I’d like someone to stay with you, though. It doesn’t have to be me! But…”

Zoro supposes that’s as good as it’s going to get. He swivels to Vivi, misjudging the turn and running over Carue's foot. Carue _wails_ and headbutts him, which Zoro figures he deserves. “Nami gonna let you show me around this place?” he asks Vivi, rubbing his head. He's probably going to run over a lot of toes.

Vivi laughs. “Sounds perfect. Most of the castle’s frozen though, so you might need a coat.”

That explains the extra grip on the wheelchair’s tires. But it can’t be too dangerous, if Chopper’s letting him wheel himself around. Which is something of a shame, really, because skidding around on a makeshift ice rink sounds pretty great. He probably shouldn't mention that to Luffy though.

Carue lays a coat across Zoro’s lap, hopping around the wheelchair with a wary eye. A wooly hat with a giant pom-pom has replaced Carue’s favourite beanie, and though he isn’t wearing his saddle, there is an extra thick quilt draped over his back. Zoro scratches Carue's neck and all is forgiven.

“Should we… should we bring your swords?” Vivi asks.

Zoro looks over to where his swords are, propped up by the door. His stomach twists. He won’t be able to hold them _and_ manoeuvre the wheelchair, and he’s not going to ask Vivi to push him around. Though it pains him to admit it, he’s probably better off without them right now.

“Nah, leave them.” He almost forgets to remove the brakes before moving, but luckily nobody seems to notice. Chopper is busy remaking the bed, and Vivi is staring at Zoro’s swords with such a deep frown that she might be trying to set them on fire. Zoro rolls his eyes. “Hey, come on.”

Vivi startles. “Oh, right! I’m sorry, I just -” She scrambles after him as though he’s capable of getting anywhere fast, but as she does, she plucks Luffy’s hat from the bedpost and ties it to the back of his chair.

Zoro pretends not to see.

 

 

 

Barely an hour into the tour, there's a _BOOM_ of something breaking from deep within the castle. Carue startles violently enough to lose a few of his feathers. Vivi and Zoro just glance at each other, Zoro's eyebrows rising.

A bellowing yell of “ZOOOOOOOROOOOO!” echoes around the castle, accompanied by a chorus of _Luffy wait!_ and sea-worthy swearing.

“I think your surprise is ready,” Vivi says, stepping away from the door just in time to avoid Luffy as they rocket up from the lower levels.

“FOUND YOU!” they below, throwing their arms up with a cheer. They fluff up Carue's head and hug Vivi as though they haven't seen her for weeks, and then trip right over Zoro's wheelchair as they attempt to hug him too. “ _Ack_ \- oh hey, my hat! It wasn't in Zoro's room and neither was Zoro! HEY ZORO, GUESS WHAT?”

“You don’t have to shout,” Zoro grumbles, shoving Luffy’s head away. He's smiling though, because there are few things in the world that can lift his mood quite like Luffy. “Let me guess, it’s food?”

“Nope! Better!”

That’s worrying.

“For god’s _sake_ ,” Nami pants, practically falling in through the doorway. Usopp and Sanji are hot on her heels, and Usopp’s wearing such a big hat that only his nose is visible. “Luffy, can’t you just slow down for _two seconds_?”

“Ah, no. Sorry,” Luffy replies, sounding completely _not sorry_. “Did you bring it?”

 _Seriously?_ says Nami’s glare. “Of course I did,” she says, flicking a pom pom out of her face. There’s a large cardboard tube tucked under her arm, and when she pops off the lid, a sheet of blue paper, rolled up tightly, slides out. “Here, Zoro.”

“SURPRISE!” Luffy yells, and not going deaf _is_ the surprise.

Zoro unrolls the paper.

“Unfortunately, we don’t have a shipwright, so it’s not completely ideal,” Nami explains, looking faintly nervous. “But given how old Merry is and our budget - and the timeframe, of course - we thought, well.”

Zoro has no idea what to say. The blueprints for the modified Merry feel like something between a sheet of diamond and a death sentence in his hands.

“We’re going to widen all of the doorways,” Usopp says, bouncing on the spot. He leans over and points to various places on the Merry, explaining with a grin, “And there’s going to be a ramp from the main deck so you can get up to the kitchen. I came up with a few ideas for a lift system to carry you up from our room, but the mast is in the way, and if we were going to move the trapdoor then we’d have to re-lay the whole deck. _So_ , we’re going to turn the storage room into your room! Unfortunately, we’ll have to go through your room to get to the bathroom, and the stairs down to Nami and Vivi’s room are in your room too, but -”

“I can put up with that,” Nami says. She doesn't even threaten Zoro with a fee.

“What about everything in the storage room?” Zoro croaks. He can't even begin to wrap his head around the fact that Usopp is _happy_ about tearing up the Merry, let alone that this is something they're going to _do_.

“Most of it’s going into the anchor room,” Sanji says. “But some of it’s coming into our room, since we’ll be moving furniture to your room. It’s going to be real cramped with Chopper, but -”

“Chopper?” Zoro interrupts. “He’s crew?”

“He’s gonna be our doctor!” Luffy says, and there's a story there that Zoro needs to know. How they managed to persuade skittish Chopper to join them is beyond him. “Now once the Merry’s done, we can set sail again!”

“It's going to take a few weeks at least,” Nami clarifies. The crew just shrug at the prospect of being stuck here for that long. “Chopper says you might have a new leg by then, but better to be safe than sorry. We've got to get to Alabasta as soon as we can, after all.”

“With Zoro,” Luffy adds with a knowing grin. The others shoot them baffled looks, as though the idea of leaving Zoro behind is barbaric, even if he’s stuck in a wheelchair.

Zoro swallows hard. He lays the blueprints in his lap, feeling the bandaged stump of his leg through the paper. Nami's even drawn Merry's smiling figurehead, but smiling is the last thing Zoro feels like doing.

He's really lost a leg, hasn't he?

“I’ve made a real mess for everyone, haven’t I?” he says, his voice betraying him with a wobble. It's not a question. Luffy carried him to the top of a mountain. Everyone's been keeping him company around the clock. They really all thought he was going to die.

And now this.

“Eh, pretty much,” says the crew, but they’re all laughing, too.

 

 

 

Physiotherapy fucking sucks. The thought of poor, little Chopper putting up with his attitude for months is the only thing that stops Zoro from swearing every two seconds, but it’s a close thing. Exercises as low-impact as just moving his thigh shouldn’t hurt so much, and yet Zoro’s left leg keeps freaking out. It’s infuriating. Zoro isn’t a wimp about pain, but he would like his nerve endings to _calm the fuck down_. Doctor Kureha’s got him dosed up on some pretty powerful stuff, but then Chopper appears throughout the day and makes him exercise, and the effects just seem to disappear.

Luffy, Nami, and Usopp trek down the mountainside one morning to oversee the start of Merry’s modifications. Zoro and Vivi watch them leave from high, high up in the castle, but the snow over the Sakura Kingdom is endless, so there is only white to be seen for miles. Luffy returns by the afternoon with a huge smile and an extra spring in their step, and relays the good news over a monstrous plate of dinner.

Despite the sheer number of rooms in the castle, there isn’t a useable dining room. Zoro’s seen most of the rooms now and Vivi was right, nearly everything is frozen over. The crew have made due by bundling together in one of the two libraries, which Dr. Kureha ensures remains warm, and sleeping between the shelves. The kitchen counters function as a breakfast bar, and everyone stays warm from the heat of the grill. Chopper can often be found peering over counters or swinging his legs from a stool, marvelling at the sights and smells of Sanji cooking. Sanji even cooks for the birds nesting over the castle’s entrance, and he just shrugs when anyone mentions it and says, “I’ve cooked for mice before.”

On the downside, the stools are too high for Zoro to reach from his wheelchair. He tries with crutches once and it’s a disaster. He hates having to look up at everyone else at the bar while eating, but he refuses to mention it. After two grumpy meals, the others pick up on his mood and drag over some chairs from the dining room, defrosting them in the heat of the kitchen. Luffy chooses to sit on the floor despite its frigid touch, and Sanji joins them after some encouragement, but getting Sanji to sit anywhere during dinner is always a challenge.

Nami and Usopp have opted to stay in the portside village to oversee Merry’s work, so it’s just Luffy, Sanji, Zoro, and Vivi at dinner. Chopper occasionally joins them, but with him leaving Sakura Kingdom so soon, he spends most of his time with Dr. Kureha. Sometimes she hauls him into the kitchen by the scruff of his neck and orders him to “socialise”, which always gets a laugh out of Luffy and a spew of colourful words from Chopper.

Either Zoro’s a terrible influence or Chopper already knows more cusses than all the sailors in East Blue combined.

“Zoro’s gonna be ready to leave in a few weeks, right?” Luffy asks, sucking all the meat from a skewer.

“Provided Chopper doesn’t kill me first,” Zoro replies. No doubt the little doctor will be here soon with some more medication. Zoro’s meant to take tablets with every meal, but half of the time he snoozes through lunch or dinner, and the other half of the time, he just forgets. Chopper doesn’t have any qualms against chasing Zoro around, though, and he’s already growing used to growling back at Zoro whenever tensions rise.

“Not sure anything could kill you now,” Sanji says. Zoro throws a skewer at him.

“He’s a good doctor,” Luffy says, grinning to reveal all of the chicken stuff in between their teeth. “Now that he’s coming with us, we don’t have to worry about anyone getting hurt again.”

Unless seawater is involved. It’s a shame that Chopper is a hammer too, but it was probably about time they acquired another Devil Fruit user for the crew. It doesn’t seem like Chopper’s ever been to sea, either, so they’ll have to watch him carefully around the edges of the ship. He’s going to get seasick for sure, and dealing with Usopp’s queasy stomach hadn’t been fun. Nami and Sanji hadn’t been a problem, although Sanji had been in floods of tears. Chopper’s probably going to be worse.

“I’m excited for you all to see Alabasta,” Vivi says - and she’ll probably cry when they _get_ there. “It’s so different to here. Sandy Island really was beautiful before the drought. Alubarna will be unlike anything you’ve seen.”

“A summer island sounds like fun!” Luffy agrees. “I’ve never seen a desert before - what’re they like? I bet they’re fun to roll in. D’you think we could build a really big sandcastle? Is your palace made of _sand_?”

“Wait, wait,” Sanji interrupts, slapping a hand over Luffy’s mouth. His eyes boggle at Vivi, but not in his typical, lovey-dovey way. “Vivi, dear, your kingdom’s in a _desert_?”

“Yes, the Sandora Desert. If we dock in Nanohana, we can make the trek up to… oh.” Her hand flies to her mouth; she mirrors Sanji’s expression, muttering, “Oh, I didn’t… think,” and then together they look to Zoro, sitting befuddled in his wheelchair.

Sanji nearly bites through a cigarette. “How soon did Chopper say you’d get a leg, moss-head?”

Zoro frowns. He hadn’t thought ahead as far as Alabasta, but the sand dunes might pose a problem. Chopper has already warned him against testing the wheels out in the snow. “Uh. I’ll mention it to him. He was talking about a temporary one yesterday.”

“Might be wise to have a backup plan, just in case,” Sanji mumbles - or a backup plan _for_ the backup plan, because that’s what the wheelchair is supposed to be. And if Zoro doesn’t have a leg _or_ a means of travelling across the sand, then what’s he going to do?

Luffy pulls Sanji’s hand away. Their eyes are hard and their face determined, but they finish the last of their skewers before declaring, “We’re not leaving Zoro behind, not for anything. He’s coming to Vivi’s home with us, even if I have to carry him again.”

“I’d rather stay here, thanks,” Zoro groans, only half meaning it. He _is_ glad he was unconscious when Luffy carried up him the mountain, but between being lugged around or being left behind in Sakura Kingdom, he’ll take the mortification of being carried any day.

Chopper isn't happy when Zoro mentions that Alabasta is a desert kingdom.

“Fitting you for a temporary prosthetic isn’t a simple process,” Chopper says, halfway through removing the bandages from Zoro’s leg. “You’re still healing from the operation, for one. Plus, the volume of your residual limb will change over the next six to twelve months. It’s still a little swollen at the moment, but it’s going to shrink. That doesn’t mean you _can’t_ have a prosthetic, but until your limb stops shrinking, you’ll find that you’ll fit one prosthetic one week, and then maybe two weeks later, you won’t. There are ways to manage the shrinkage - oh, this is looking much better, actually. You heal really fast.”

 _Small mercies_ , Zoro thinks. Not tuning Chopper’s medical rants out is really difficult. Chopper’s probably better off explaining everything to Sanji or Nami; at least they’ll understand half of the things he’s talking about.

“So the wheelchair won’t work on sand?”

“Unfortunately not,” Chopper says with an apologetic shake of his head. “I’ll talk to Doctor Kureha about a temporary prosthetic. There’s a few other things you’ll need too, but we can discuss that later. Let me redress this and we can do some balance exercises.”

Zoro sighs. Just a few weeks ago, he was lifting weights and barbells, and practicing his swordsmanship out on the deck. Now he can’t even stand on one leg without falling over, and he doesn’t even have the other one to stand _on_. He insists on cleaning his katana every day - he won’t have them collecting dust in the corner - but the day he can train with them again seems like a day that will never come.

“What sort of swordsman am I?” he mumbles, scrubbing a hand over his face. He caught sight of himself in the mirror that morning and he’s due to dye his hair. He hasn’t mentioned it to the others, but no doubt they can see the brown of his roots bleeding through. Vivi’s never seen his natural hair colour, and Sanji’s only seen it once, which prompted many, many jokes about trees.

“A good one,” Chopper says, his voice small. Zoro had meant the question rhetorically, but Chopper smiles from his perch on a chair. He's small at the moment, and cute, and he ducks his head when he sees Zoro staring. “Nami told us what happened at Little Garden. You'd do anything for your crew. That's really brave.”

Nami had probably said _really stupid_.

Zoro shrugs. He'd agree with Nami, but Chopper's sentiment is nice. “They're my family, I guess. And I wasn't going to let some wax idiot stop Luffy from being the Pirate King.”

Only, now it's _Zoro_ that stopping Luffy from achieving their dream. Their conviction to not leave Zoro behind is heartwarming, but it's idiotic. Make no mistake, Zoro doesn't want to remain on Drum for the duration of his recovery, alone with Dr. Kureha and the snow. But it's the best choice. It's the right thing to do. If they sail to Sandy Island and Zoro can't use a wheelchair or a prosthetic, then there's _no way_ Luffy can carry him and fight Crocodile. But even if they could - Zoro can't fight. He can't even stand.

He can't face Mihawk like this: he can't carry Kuina’s dream. He's not worthy of his bounty and he's not capable of wielding his swords.

“Zoro? If you're in pain -”

“Be fine,” Zoro says, refusing to have another panic attack. He gives his residual limb a wiggle, willing it not to ache. Sometimes, he swears he can still feel his toes, but he's not mentioning that to Chopper either. “Let's just do the exercises.”

Luffy comes in and sits with him afterwards because of course they fucking do.

“Hey, hey, Zoro. The ballroom downstairs is _really_ frozen over. It’s like an ice rink! We should try your wheelchair out on it!”

Zoro knew it was only a matter of time before Luffy had the same idea. He’s not in the mood anymore, but he waves a hand towards the chair as he downs a couple of pills. “You can take it.”

Luffy smacks their lips together. “But how's Zoro gonna get down there? Is your new leg ready already?”

If only. “I'll stay here. Go to sleep.” Some of the drugs make him drowsy, but not enough to knock him right out. Luffy doesn't know that.

It doesn't stop them though. “Okay, then I'll sleep up here with Zoro!” They kick off their shoes, shrug out of their coat, and fling the corner of the duvet up right over Zoro's head. Then they clamber right into the bed, ignoring Zoro's yelp.

“What, no -”

“Now we can both sleep!” Luffy says, tucking the duvet under themself. They wiggle close, almost laying their head on Zoro's shoulder. Their feet are frigid against Zoro's thigh - his left one, the residual one - but god forbid Luffy wear socks. “Then we can go check out the ballroom!”

“Can't you go by yourself?” Zoro asks, rubbing his forehead. He can feel a headache building and it's called _Monkey D. Luffy_.

“But that'd be _boring_ ,” Luffy whines, blowing a raspberry. “I want Zoro to be there. But if he wants to sleep, then that's okay. Zoro needs to sleep a lot so he's all better once we leave. Did you ask Chopper about Sandy Island?”

Zoro curses at the ceiling. “Yeah. The wheelchair's a no-go. He's gonna talk to the witch doctor about my leg, but…”

“That's fine. We'll think of something -”

“It's _not_ fine. You can't just carry me across Alabasta.”

“Sure can. Zoro's not so heavy. Lemme -”

Their rubbery hands worm their way underneath Zoro, one beneath his back and the other beneath his thighs. Pain fizzles down Zoro's residual limb and into the space where his foot once was: he grits his teeth and shoves Luffy away, sending them somersaulting backwards off the bed. His phantom foot twitches, an ache burning in his calf. Zoro digs his fingers into his thigh with half a mind to tear it open, wanting nothing more than to rip away his _stupid_ nerves.

Luffy climbs back onto the bed like a wary animal. They keep their distance this time (not that there is any on a single bed), but there's a look on their face that's usually reserved for the shadow of their hat, except the straw hat is still hanging from the back of Zoro's wheelchair, right where Vivi tied it.

“Zoro's being stupid,” they state; _here we go_ , Zoro thinks, as Luffy crosses their arms. “No one's allowed to leave my crew unless I say so, and I don't say so.”

“Well you're the captain -”

Like a shot, Luffy flings themself on top of Zoro and pins his shoulders down. “No way! Zoro's stupid but he's my friend!” They squeeze his shoulders tighter, leaning closer. Their breath is warm like a whisper and their eyes are a fiery vow. “Zoro’s _important_. He's not allowed to leave 'cause I don't want him to. An’ I don't care if that's selfish ‘cause I'm the captain. So Zoro's coming with us to Alabasta and to everywhere cause I _want_ him there. And Zoro wants to stay, anyway, doesn't he?”

“Y - Yeah,” Zoro says, because what else can he say to Luffy’s will except, _God yeah he does_.

Luffy grins like a brilliant star, but they don’t move. Instead, they sit back on Zoro’s stomach, squashing all of the breath from his lungs. “What else does Zoro want?”

“Thought what I wanted didn't matter,” Zoro wheezes. Luffy’s always been tactile with the crew, displaying affection through bold declaration and an abundance of hugs. But this is different. Zoro’s ears are burning, just not from embarrassment, and he mutters a curse as the blush creeps down his neck.

“You're all red,” Luffy notes - and they just _can’t_ be that thick, they _can’t_. “Am I hurting -?”

A little bit, but Zoro's not going to mention it. He’s not going to mention his blush or Luffy’s smile at all. “Nah, you're fine. Just - don't sit on my thighs.”

“Why would I sit on Zoro's thighs?”

Oh, Zoro can think of a few reasons.

“Just don't. It fucking hurts okay?”

Luffy nods, still smiling. Zoro almost takes his words back. “Okay. Can I lie on Zoro then? Is that okay with your binder?”

If Zoro was having this conversation with anyone but Luffy, he’d know where it is going. But it _is_ Luffy - his cheery, probably asexual captain - so Zoro tries not to think too deeply about it. In fact, he’s trying not to think about it at _all_. “S’fine, I'm not wearing it.”

Luffy rearranges themself until their head is resting on Zoro's stomach, knees tucked up almost to his ear. Zoro hasn't put his earrings in today, either, and Luffy rubs the three piercings with a laugh. Zoro doesn’t shiver, he definitely _does not_.

“Has anyone told Zoro how Chopper joined us yet?”

This is a safe conversation. Zoro knows how to deal with this. “I'm guessing you beat someone up?”

They both laugh. “Sure did! I'll tell you but then you gotta sleep.”

“I'm not actually tired, you know,” Zoro admits, although he can feel the drug clouding the back of his mind. If he had his way, he wouldn’t take anything that impairs his judgement, but he’s weak to Chopper’s big, doe-like eyes, and Chopper knows it.

“I know!” Luffy says, pulling the duvet back up. “But Zoro's happy when he sleeps.”

 _I'm happy with you_ , Zoro thinks, agreeing with a soft sound. Yet he can't bring himself to admit it, so he just tucks an arm around Luffy and nods off to the tale of Drum Kingdom and the blue-nosed monster that lived there.

 

 

 

Everybody in the castle knows when the Merry’s renovations are complete because Usopp comes barrelling into the foyer with icicles on his eyelashes and nose and almost causes an avalanche with the sound of his yell.

“HEYYY-O, LUFFY! GUYS!”

He skids into the ballroom where Luffy and Carue are chasing Zoro’s wheelchair around. Chopper squeals a greeting from atop Zoro’s shoulders, but there’s no stopping the chair once it’s sliding, and Usopp has to dive out of the way.

“Hey, hey, Usopp! Is Merry ready?” Luffy asks, springing over. They laugh at the icicles on Usopp’s nose as they yank him into a hug.

“Yep! She looks great!” Usopp replies, beaming with pride. He tips his wooly hat back, grinning at everyone in the room - from Sanji and Vivi by the old piano, to Carue desperately trying to slow Zoro’s wheelchair with his beak. “How have things been up here? You know, if you mounted the wheelchair on a pair of skis, you could toboggan down the mountain like a sled.”

“SLEDS!” Vivi yells, jumping up from the piano stool. She blushes as all eyes swing to her, but the embarrassment doesn’t quell her excitement. “Sand sleds! Why didn’t I think of that before? We could slide the wheelchair across the desert!”

Zoro feels a weight lift from his shoulders.

“Guess it’s a good thing we’ve got a reindeer, then,” Sanji says, and Chopper _beams_.

They spend the afternoon packing, and Dr. Kureha sees them off at the door. Despite Luffy’s hopes and dreams, Zoro folds his wheelchair away for the journey down the mountainside. He removes Shank's hat as he does and plonks it down onto Luffy’s head, and Luffy cheers, throwing themself at him for a hug. They offer Zoro's swords in exchange for the hat, and Zoro accepts the hug because he's going to have to get used to that, too.

Zoro's temporary prosthetic is _very_ temporary; it’s a solid little thing, but it’s not particularly comfortable. He’s wearing four wooly socks to cushion his stump, and a strange, stretchy sock beneath all of that, which Chopper assures him will help with the swelling. Standing feels weird and balancing on his residual limb is near impossible, but Zoro’s the swordsman on the future Pirate King’s crew, and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t walk out of the castle doors.

Chopper is crying too hard to worry. Poor Sanji’s stuck trying to console him, and Chopper’s dripping snot and tears all over his coat. Luffy and Usopp race ahead like a pair of idiots, but never far enough that Luffy couldn’t catapult them back. This leaves Zoro with Vivi, Carue, and all of their belongings, including the walking stick that Dr. Kureha hits Zoro with as he limps out into the snow.

“You take care of my doctor, you hear me?” she says, wagging her finger at the crew. “And _you_ \- Mister Deathwish. If I hear about you losing any more limbs…”

She doesn’t finish the sentence, but she doesn’t need to.

“No promises,” Zoro replies, and Dr. Kureha laughs.

It’s been a long month. Zoro’s glad to be going home.

Vivi must be too, for she dazzles him with a smile and offers him her arm. “I find myself in need of an escort to Alabasta,” she says, winking through the fur of her hood. “Are you available, Mister Swordsman?”

Zoro rolls his eyes but accepts her arm. He’s grateful for the help, even though he still has trouble asking for it. Luckily, he’s stuck with a crew and a bothersome captain who love him like family and more. “You could’ve chosen better than a bunch of pirates,” he says to Vivi, and Carue’s quack sounds like agreement.

Vivi smiles. “I think you’re all perfect,” she says - and she means the Merry, too.

The shipwrights have outdone themselves. They’ve even tidied and moved everything from the storage room to the boy’s dorm, which must have been a feat given the amount of junk they’ve accumulated. The doors across the main deck and up to the kitchen are now wider, and one of the staircases has been replaced by a ramp. Unfortunately, there’s no way for Zoro to get up to the crow’s nest or down into the boy’s dorm right now, bar Luffy throwing him around. He’ll miss snoozing at the top of the ship with the wind in his face, but he’s sure that, with enough training, he can climb the rigging again one day.

It doesn’t matter that Zoro can’t get down the mast to the boy’s room, because he doesn’t think Luffy will be sleeping there much, anyway.

“More room for the rest of you,” he says, after Luffy declares Zoro’s new bed as _cosy enough for me too!_ and everybody else just groans.

Nami buries her face into her hands. “I take back what I said about being okay with you sleeping above our room,” she sighs, and Zoro just tips his head back and laughs.

“Are we ready to set sail?” Luffy asks, bouncing across the ship to Merry's figurehead. “Hi Merry, thanks for waiting! Nami, are we ready to go?”

Nami's log pose is spinning. She smiles. “Just say the word.”

“WORD.”

“No, not that word -”

“LET'S GO!” Luffy bellows, pointing ahead of the ship. They dazzle the horizon with a smile, and the afternoon sun is gold. “TO ALABASTA!”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!! Please let a comment on your way out :)


End file.
